35 Thoughts from Behind the Dugout

  1. That wind sure is chilly. I better put on my coat.
  2. I really like the other team’s costumes. Oh, uniforms. We call them uniforms. If they’re kind of dressed like the Cincinnati Reds, does that make them costumes?
  3. They’re switching the first two sounds in his name. That’s funny. I wonder if it works for anyone else. Barter Clouin… Syle Kilva… Weven Stalker… Kryan Bing… Wicky Ralker… This is too much fun.
  4. I think I’ll take some pictures. Cool, we’re scoring runs! I love when I time the pictures right.
  5. Foul ball! Please don’t hit my car. Phew.
  6. Our pitcher hasn’t let anyone on base in three complete innings. He’s on his way to a perfect game! Wait, is it bad luck to think about a perfect game? I don’t really believe in luck. Just in case, I won’t say anything out loud.
  7. Nice hit! My legs were crossed when he hit that. I’d better keep my legs crossed.
  8. It’s getting so hot out. Time to take off my coat.
  9. I hate when our hitters load the bases with no outs and don’t score any runs.
  10. I hate when we let the other team load the bases with no outs.
  11. Yes! They didn’t score any runs. I love when we work out of those jams.
  12. Hey “fan,” did you really drive three hours each way just to yell at the umpire about the strike zone for the entire game? Certainly, there are better ways for you to spend a Tuesday. Or at least a game closer to your home.
  13. To the umpire: That was a dumb call. If he didn’t try to get out of the way, neither did the guy on the other team in the last inning.
  14. I’m going to take more pictures. More runs! I think it’s good luck when I take pictures. I should take more.
  15. If a wild pitch hits the umpire, is that interference?
  16. I would really like a sno-cone right now.
  17. Should I re-apply my sunscreen? Nah, a little color would be nice.
  18. I hate when we strikeout. Oops, my legs weren’t crossed. My fault.
  19. To the parent who thinks coaches only give signs to call bunts: There are at least ten other plays to call. Try not to speak when you have no idea what you are talking about.
  20. There’s that wind again. Where’s my coat?
  21. Why is this pitcher still in?
  22. I hope my husband isn’t using inappropriate language on this mound visit.
  23. To the parent who is complaining about this pitcher: He is one of the best arms we have. Today might not be his best day, but you have not been to enough games to know that. Try not to speak when you have no idea what you are talking about.
  24. To the batter: Please don’t strike out again. Groundout. I guess that’s better, but not really.
  25. Why did we change our right fielder? They should really consult me first before making any changes to the lineup.
  26. I really need to use the restroom. I wonder if it’s safe to leave my purse here.
  27. I don’t want to miss anything. If the last three innings are quick, I can hold it.
  28. I think they play better when I’m not here. Maybe I’m bad luck. I don’t really believe in luck. Just in case, maybe I’ll go sit in my car for a few innings.
  29. To the batter: Please get a hit. Come on. Please. Thank you.
  30. Wow, this is a great game. Both teams are playing good baseball. It’s so fun to watch.
  31. Tied in the bottom of the ninth?! This is so stressful. I am literally losing my hair.
  32. Shoot, I have a sunburn. I should’ve re-applied my sunscreen.
  33. To the pitcher: Please strike out that batter.
  34. Oh no. Oh, ok. It’s ok.
  35. Yay! We win!
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