To New and Future Coaching Spouses

So, you’re decided to marry a coach. Congratulations! The rest of your life is bound to be a unique journey. Every coaching couple travels a different road, and I’m eager to see how yours unfolds. Actually, I’m still eager to see how mine unfolds.

You see, we don’t get to escape the anticipation.

But there is so much in store for us that is entirely worthwhile. Embrace it. Truly, choose to submit to the coaching lifestyle.

I know, the word “submit” might make you want to throw your computer, but allow me to explain.

Chances are, you fell in love with your new or future spouse for a number of reasons, and I’d venture to guess that his heart for others or her passion for what she does would make your list. These are often the traits that make coaches such attractive mates. They bring their passion and their generosity to the relationship. They compete to win us over the same way they compete in the coaching arena.

Remember you fell in love with a coach. You’ve chosen to marry a coach. You won’t get them to quit. You can’t compete with this passion. If you choose to compete with it, you won’t win. You might be thinking, but he should love me more than his job; I should come first. Sure, that’s an excellent point. But if you force your spouse to choose between you and coaching, you will only take away that passion. Your spouse would be lost without it. Purposeless. Neither of you will find fulfillment.

It’s true that some coaches decide to hang up their cleats. But that has to be the coach’s decision.

So, allow the coaching lifestyle to guide you.

It might mean you move. A lot. It might mean you share a meager income. It might mean you have to develop thick skin to cushion the criticism of parents and fans. It might mean you see your spouse working harder and harder for less and less recognition. It might mean you have to learn to live with losing. It might mean you rarely see your spouse, and when you do, he is still working.

It will not be easy. But it will be worth it.

You will build relationships you cannot anticipate now. You will see the hard work pay off—even in the smallest ways—year after year. You will celebrate wins. You will learn to love the act of pouring into the lives of others, if only through the sacrifice of time with your spouse.

If you find that sacrifice to be too difficult, find ways to get involved yourself. I’ve shared my tips here, but I know the things that work for me will not work for everyone. The point is to find ways to get involved so that your life doesn’t feel so separate from your spouse’s. For me, this has been the key to embracing the coaching lifestyle, and it has made me eager to submit to what it will have in store for us.



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